C² sat despondent at a desk in E=MC²’s secret lair, disregarding the laptop computer in front on him, when E and M returned from hunting down zombie rabbits that had risen three days after their deaths to bite the heads off of marshmallow peeps. 

“What’s wrong C²?” asked E.

“Anything eating zombie bunny stew would help?” asked M.         

“I doubt it,” said C², “my former high school asked me to give a graduation address to the students.”

“Why did they ask you?” questioned E.

“I fibbed on my Classmates.com profile and said I helped co-found a successful website.”

“Ours?” said E.

“I said ‘successful’.”

“Which website did you say you helped found.”

C² turned off screen saver and turned the computer towards them. (continue reading…)

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From time to time, the talking heads on television speak of a new classification in identity politics, “Real-Americans.” This made us wonder, are we Real-Americans? And if not, who is and how do we become a Real-American? By learning a secret handshake, passing an entrance exam, or maybe by the extensive use of duct tape? And, most importantly, what are the criteria that make someone a Real-American? Lacking a definitive answer, we made a list of possible ingredients for making a Real-American and set out to determine the criteria for ourselves, to provide clarity to the term. (continue reading…)

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