G

Governor (n): 1) On a rental truck, the device that keeps it in the slow lane. 2) An elected official who serves the same function for a state.

K

Kool-Aid (n): 1) A sickeningly-sweet, chemical-flavored infusion of political belief that it is required be consumed prior to access to any government money or power. 2) During the ’60’s, a drink spiked with mind-twisting, logic-shattering hallucinogens that made you see “make believe” and think it was real. (Editor’s note: We can’t see a difference between the definitions.)

P

Press Conference (n):  1) An executive or legislative attempt to use the media to force an opinion on the public like an iron-on patch.  2) An advertisement for a new flavor of Kool-Aid.  3) Rarely, an informative meeting between an official and members of the press.

V

Voting Machine (n): 1) An incumbent’s best friend. 2) A symbol of unspeakable dread, terror, and unimaginable personal violation for folks who can’t alter the programming with “New Voter Math.” (for Amy)

To view the complete Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary and to offer new definitions go here.

Continue reading "Update to The Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary 03/11/2010" »

D

Democrat (n): Political equivalent of a Crip.

R

Republican (n): Political equivalent of a Blood.

Revolutionary (n): 1) Dissatisfied member of the opposition to a government in power, willing to use violence to the point of dying in the attempt to change the regime. 2) In America, people who frequently call in on talk radio programs. 

To view the complete Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary and to offer new definitions (and in doing so, entering in our latest contest) go here.

Continue reading "Update to The Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary 03/04/10" »

C

Campaign Ad (n): A short work of fiction usually presented on TV during an election. Much like pro wrestling, the makers of these ads try to convey a sense of “realism,” expecting the viewer to actually buy the idea that what they’re seeing and hearing is the truth. Fortunately, anyone with an IQ higher than a five-year-old’s knows that both are fake. (submitted by Long-haired guy)

H

History (n): A vast wealth of knowledge, ideas, and examples of success and failure that provides invaluable tools for learning, but is often completely ignored by politicians. (From submission by Long-haired guy)

L

Lobbying (v): 1) An activity associated with legislative mercenaries. (submitted by Jim) 2) Back-alley screwing. (submitted by Jim)

Lobbyist (n): 1) A legislative mercenary. (submitted by Jim) 2) A form of life (debatable?) employed by dark forces and tasked to troll the Capitol while plying politicians with gifts and guidance. (submitted by Jim)

S

Shoe (n): A failed weapon of mass destruction (Richard Reed). (submitted by Long-haired guy)

Straw poll (n): When done three years before an election, a way of determining which candidate will be put into the Wicker Man and sacrificed so the real candidate will emerge two and half years later.

To view the complete Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary and to offer new definitions (and in doing so, entering in our latest contest) go here.

Continue reading "Update to The Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary 02/25/2010" »

P

Preemptive strike (n): A shortcut to a quagmire.

S

Sanctions (n): 1) The concrete-filled tire on the playground of diplomacy, located between the “Jungle Gym of Allies” and the dodgeball court of “My Army Can Beat Up Your Army.” 2) An imaginary diplomatic weapon that when used on non-democracies gives the sanctioned rulers an excuse to pass any inconvenience, real or imaginary, downward in their economy. 3) An excuse to suppress dissent and blame the US.

To view the complete Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary and to offer new definitions (and in doing so, entering in our latest contest) go here.

Continue reading "Update to the Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary 02/18/2010" »

C

Committee (n): 1) A gathering of legislators that ravage the voters’ trust, with complete secrecy and no accountability, much as a passed out sorority girl is by a rabid pack of fraternity boys. (Submitted by Chip) 2) An abattoir for pre-election idealism and all good intention. (Submitted by Chip)

F

Filibuster (n and v): 1) To seize control of the senate floor to prevent anything from getting done by the opposition (often indistinguishable from “business as usual”).

O

Opening Prayer (n): The fruitless act of invoking a higher power for guidance that legislators do not want and pointedly ignore. (Submitted by Jon)

P

Pork (n): 1) When brought home by your representatives: the honey glazed ham of wise governance. When given to someone else: wasteful, overpriced baloney.  2) A form of payment often demanded as ransom to end a filibuster.

V

Voters (n): The only people capable of being fooled all the time. (Submitted by Horne)

To view the complete Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary and to offer new definitions (and in doing so, entering in our latest contest) go here.

Continue reading "Update to The Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary 02/11/10" »