Recently some Democrats have been under fire for corruption and alleged sexual harassment of staff members just a couple years after the Republican party was rocked by similar scandals.

Researching this string of scandalous behavior further, anonymous sources in Washington, DC have informed us that the lone truly bipartisan government entity is the Federal Kickback and Buggery Committee. The membership of this shadow committee is rumored to number around 535.

When asked to comment on its existence, a supposed member of the FKB replied, “It depends on what the definition of ‘it’ is.”

- E=MC²

Continue reading "Moos Short: The Only Bipartisan Committee" »

John McCain’s challenger in Arizona is running a campaign ad that likens McCain to the hero in the movie Avatar as a challenge to his conservative credentials and McCain wants an apology. Maybe it’s just us, or we’re immunized against knee-jerk reactions regarding “blue” things, but we’re not sure how portraying your opponent as the good guy from one of the most watched movies ever, who opposes a group of people led by characters who could be described as a money-grubbing greedhound and a testosterone fueled psychopath, is an attack ad.

“You know what you are?”

“What?”

“The good guy!”

“Noooooo! How dare you!”

Word has it that the McCain campaign is planning a vicious counterattack that likens his primary opponent to Harry Potter and Luke Skywalker.

- E=MC²

Continue reading "Moos Short: Being the good guy is bad?" »

Sarah Palin closed strong to finish with 52 percent of the vote, defeating A Shirtless Michael Moore Wearing Nipples Tassels (37 percent), Strip Clubs (7 percent), and Prostitution (4 percent) in our “Which of these is the most demeaning to women?” poll. For the sake of women everywhere, we hope she selves her desire to write a book about “American values. “ Now, if you don’t mind, the imagined image of Michael Moore with nipple tassels has to be purged from our brains.  But to show we’re not demeaning women, we’ll just stick to reading the Sport’s Illustrated Swimsuit Issue (no votes).

Continue reading "“Which of these is the most demeaning to women?” Poll Results" »

D

Democrat (n): Political equivalent of a Crip.

R

Republican (n): Political equivalent of a Blood.

Revolutionary (n): 1) Dissatisfied member of the opposition to a government in power, willing to use violence to the point of dying in the attempt to change the regime. 2) In America, people who frequently call in on talk radio programs. 

To view the complete Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary and to offer new definitions (and in doing so, entering in our latest contest) go here.

Continue reading "Update to The Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary 03/04/10" »

The United States Postal Service is having budget issues. Because we feel like there is nothing better than receiving our bills on a pleasant Saturday afternoon, we brainstormed to come up our own solutions to the Post Office’s fiscal problems.

1) Kidnap Al Gore and some hackers from China and force them to find a way to break the Internet. All of it. Wherever it hides.

2) Convince senators and other congresspersonages that FedEx and UPS have been horribly affected by the recession and need to be taken over by the government.

3) Get those Christian door-to-door solicitors to include in their pitch a statement about how Jesus preferred to receive letters instead of e-mail.

4) Start a marketing campaign that magazine subscriptions are better than getting information on the internet because magazines don’t give you a static shock when you lick pictures of Megan Fox.

5) Save on fuel costs by delivering mail via a series of low-cost, sturdy catapults (could be tied to a marketing campaign about going green).

6) Hire attractive people with great bodies and offer a premium “au naturale” delivery service for higher rates.

- E=MC²

Continue reading "Moos Short: Post Office Budget Problems" »