Rush Limbaugh said he would leave the USA within five years to receive health care if the current health care legislation in this country is passed. Umm…Rush…how is you promising to leave, even for a short health care trip (you may want to discuss the length of your trip with your physician since it doesn’t seem like you have a clean medical history), going to change any Democrat’s, liberal’s, or progressive’s mind on this legislation? Seriously, isn’t this like Osama bin Laden saying “if America doesn’t pull out of Afghanistan tomorrow I will shoot myself in the leg?” Might we suggest a different strategy on your part…promise to text all 535 members of the legislative body “nekkid pics” of your body covered in grape jelly, if it passes.

We’re just trying to point out that your statement to leave, for any amount of time, like how some Hollywood-types statements of leaving the country for awhile over their view of the Bush Administration, might not be have the intended outcome. But, you might be able to get Democrats to earmark you a few one-way international plane tickets if you play your cards right.

Continue reading "Moos Short: Rush Abroad" »

G

Governor (n): 1) On a rental truck, the device that keeps it in the slow lane. 2) An elected official who serves the same function for a state.

K

Kool-Aid (n): 1) A sickeningly-sweet, chemical-flavored infusion of political belief that it is required be consumed prior to access to any government money or power. 2) During the ’60’s, a drink spiked with mind-twisting, logic-shattering hallucinogens that made you see “make believe” and think it was real. (Editor’s note: We can’t see a difference between the definitions.)

P

Press Conference (n):  1) An executive or legislative attempt to use the media to force an opinion on the public like an iron-on patch.  2) An advertisement for a new flavor of Kool-Aid.  3) Rarely, an informative meeting between an official and members of the press.

V

Voting Machine (n): 1) An incumbent’s best friend. 2) A symbol of unspeakable dread, terror, and unimaginable personal violation for folks who can’t alter the programming with “New Voter Math.” (for Amy)

To view the complete Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary and to offer new definitions go here.

Continue reading "Update to The Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary 03/11/2010" »

The results are in! The winner of the “Which of these things are you most fed up with?” poll is: a tie between “partisan bickering” and “polls telling you how fed up you are about things.” If we combined these two things into a Frankenstein’s Monster of fedupidness we have an unstoppable force of “partisan bickering over polls telling you how fed up you are about things.”

- E=MC²

Continue reading "Poll Results: Which of these things are you the most fed up with?" »

This fascinating article provides some sage financial advice in these tough economic times.  The gist of the article: spend less and earn more. We researched this publication further and discovered more astoundingly insightful articles that provided helpful life lessons like:

To lose weight – eat less, exercise more.

To enjoy life more fully – cry less, laugh more.

To not smell bad – sweat less, shower more

and

To lessen the chance of sounding stupid: write less, think more.

Continue reading "Moos Short: Write Less, Think More" »

The following transcription was from a meeting recorded by hidden camera and microphone in a liquor bottle and cigar gift bouquet from E=MC²:

Senator Wastrel T. Porkbarrel closed the blinds, then the drapes, and sat in his chair. His desk lamp the only illumination.

“As the newest page, you need to know a few things,” the Senator said.

“Yes, sir. I am happy to be part of the solution.”

“Ahem,” he scratched his chinny-chin-chin, “maybe we start there. Why do you think we’re here?”

“We?”

“Senators. Legislators.”

“To solve the peoples’ problems?”

“We are here to get reelected, not to solve problems.” (continue reading…)

Continue reading "Pig ‘n a Page" »