Having escaped an angry ape after infiltrating the sancta sanctorum of smoky backroom decision making with the knowledge of the paper-rock-scissors-ocracy we live in, we rested in an alley, our hearts pumping like maracas at the Rumba Shaking Olympics.

“Are we sure the gorilla is gone?” asked C².

E looked around the corner, “Yeah.”

We let our hearts settle to a slower beat and we emerged from the alley a few minutes later.

“Why does the Washington Monument have blue letters down the side of it?” asked M.

“V-I-A-G-R-A? C², did you replace the sugar we scoop on our cereal with hallucinogens again?” asked E.

“No, I ran out,” said C² as he picked up a newspaper that was blowing by on the street.

“The date on the paper is March 2^nd, 2013,” said C².

“Wait…what? Where did the last three years go?” asked M.

The headline read, “US to Retire National Debt by 6/30.” (continue reading…)

Continue reading "Your Ad Here" »

P

Preemptive strike (n): A shortcut to a quagmire.

S

Sanctions (n): 1) The concrete-filled tire on the playground of diplomacy, located between the “Jungle Gym of Allies” and the dodgeball court of “My Army Can Beat Up Your Army.” 2) An imaginary diplomatic weapon that when used on non-democracies gives the sanctioned rulers an excuse to pass any inconvenience, real or imaginary, downward in their economy. 3) An excuse to suppress dissent and blame the US.

To view the complete Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary and to offer new definitions (and in doing so, entering in our latest contest) go here.

Continue reading "Update to the Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary 02/18/2010" »

The winner of the “What kind of undergarment would a true “maverick” politician wear?” poll, with an overwhelming 58% of the vote, is “Underwear? Real mavericks go commando.” Armed with this knowledge we demand that in the upcoming election cycle any politician claiming to be a maverick get in front of a televised audience, drop their pants, and prove their credentials or never claim to be a maverick again. Honestly, for the sake of our nation’s children, we hope most politicians just refrain from any maverick claims.

Continue reading "What kind of undergarment would a true “maverick” politician wear?” Poll Results" »

One of the biggest questions staring down our elected officials like an enraged silverback gorilla as they approach the mid-term elections in the coming months is, “How do we reverse the current trend of the national debt?” Just about every day there is a story, blog, rap, quip, tweet, cave drawing, or grunt on the matter. But, all of these things, when coming from the elected officials, just sounds like more Ppam, with vague hints about bipartisan solutions. Since we don’t accept Ppam out of hand, we sought out the mystical smoke-filled room to find out what’s being done to address a question so many seem to be trying to answer through mere lip-service and chest-thumping. (continue reading…)

Continue reading "Paper-Rock-Scissors" »

C

Committee (n): 1) A gathering of legislators that ravage the voters’ trust, with complete secrecy and no accountability, much as a passed out sorority girl is by a rabid pack of fraternity boys. (Submitted by Chip) 2) An abattoir for pre-election idealism and all good intention. (Submitted by Chip)

F

Filibuster (n and v): 1) To seize control of the senate floor to prevent anything from getting done by the opposition (often indistinguishable from “business as usual”).

O

Opening Prayer (n): The fruitless act of invoking a higher power for guidance that legislators do not want and pointedly ignore. (Submitted by Jon)

P

Pork (n): 1) When brought home by your representatives: the honey glazed ham of wise governance. When given to someone else: wasteful, overpriced baloney.  2) A form of payment often demanded as ransom to end a filibuster.

V

Voters (n): The only people capable of being fooled all the time. (Submitted by Horne)

To view the complete Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary and to offer new definitions (and in doing so, entering in our latest contest) go here.

Continue reading "Update to The Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary 02/11/10" »