Moos Short: Post Office Budget Problems
The United States Postal Service is having budget issues. Because we feel like there is nothing better than receiving our bills on a pleasant Saturday afternoon, we brainstormed to come up our own solutions to the Post Office’s fiscal problems.
1) Kidnap Al Gore and some hackers from China and force them to find a way to break the Internet. All of it. Wherever it hides.
2) Convince senators and other congresspersonages that FedEx and UPS have been horribly affected by the recession and need to be taken over by the government.
3) Get those Christian door-to-door solicitors to include in their pitch a statement about how Jesus preferred to receive letters instead of e-mail.
4) Start a marketing campaign that magazine subscriptions are better than getting information on the internet because magazines don’t give you a static shock when you lick pictures of Megan Fox.
5) Save on fuel costs by delivering mail via a series of low-cost, sturdy catapults (could be tied to a marketing campaign about going green).
6) Hire attractive people with great bodies and offer a premium “au naturale” delivery service for higher rates.
- E=MC2
