C

Campaign Ad (n): A short work of fiction usually presented on TV during an election. Much like pro wrestling, the makers of these ads try to convey a sense of “realism,” expecting the viewer to actually buy the idea that what they’re seeing and hearing is the truth. Fortunately, anyone with an IQ higher than a five-year-old’s knows that both are fake. (submitted by Long-haired guy)

H

History (n): A vast wealth of knowledge, ideas, and examples of success and failure that provides invaluable tools for learning, but is often completely ignored by politicians. (From submission by Long-haired guy)

L

Lobbying (v): 1) An activity associated with legislative mercenaries. (submitted by Jim) 2) Back-alley screwing. (submitted by Jim)

Lobbyist (n): 1) A legislative mercenary. (submitted by Jim) 2) A form of life (debatable?) employed by dark forces and tasked to troll the Capitol while plying politicians with gifts and guidance. (submitted by Jim)

S

Shoe (n): A failed weapon of mass destruction (Richard Reed). (submitted by Long-haired guy)

Straw poll (n): When done three years before an election, a way of determining which candidate will be put into the Wicker Man and sacrificed so the real candidate will emerge two and half years later.

To view the complete Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary and to offer new definitions (and in doing so, entering in our latest contest) go here.

Continue reading "Update to The Aminal Farmer’s Dictionary 02/25/2010" »

Having escaped an angry ape after infiltrating the sancta sanctorum of smoky backroom decision making with the knowledge of the paper-rock-scissors-ocracy we live in, we rested in an alley, our hearts pumping like maracas at the Rumba Shaking Olympics.

“Are we sure the gorilla is gone?” asked C².

E looked around the corner, “Yeah.”

We let our hearts settle to a slower beat and we emerged from the alley a few minutes later.

“Why does the Washington Monument have blue letters down the side of it?” asked M.

“V-I-A-G-R-A? C², did you replace the sugar we scoop on our cereal with hallucinogens again?” asked E.

“No, I ran out,” said C² as he picked up a newspaper that was blowing by on the street.

“The date on the paper is March 2^nd, 2013,” said C².

“Wait…what? Where did the last three years go?” asked M.

The headline read, “US to Retire National Debt by 6/30.” (continue reading…)

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