G
Gonorrhea Lectim (n): Pronounced “gonna re-elect them,” it is a virulent viral strain contracted by listening to too much Ppam. Symptoms include apathy, obsessive name recognition, a burning sensation in the groin, and damaged nerve tissue that gives you the sensation you have been royally screwed…but just until the next election.
P
Ppam (n): Promises by Politicians in America. Similar to spam, an obnoxious, socially reviled form of communication that pledges results the messenger has no intention of fulfilling.
T
Truck (n): A method of transportation often used as a stage prop by politicians to display their Real-American credibility.
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The other day we bought genuine Rolldek watches based on an e-mail solicitation that our system filters erroneously labeled as spam from the assistant Secretary of Commerce for the African nation of Gabon. (Or is that just a state in the country of Africa? Candidate geography is so confusing.) The timepieces are ingenious. They are made entirely out of male sexual performance pharmaceuticals. They run like champion Kenyan marathon runners, although they came with a warning that if the big hand stays at noon for over four hours to seek medical help. We’re not sure what that means, but when E was browsing a sporting goods store and walked by the camping goods, all the tents leapt out of the boxes and pitched themselves. The store employees weren’t happy with us, but we contacted the lawyer that works with our Nigerian banker and he thinks we’re clear of any liability.
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